Today's post is going to be a little revelation into the depths of relationships and just to be clear I am not a specialist in that area.
However if I was to talk from the spheres of experience - I would say I know a thing or 2. Experience is indeed a great teacher and so all I'm doing today is to state what I think is important and this is based off from my personal observations and from having also gone through most issues as a female who has dated and still is dating.
Most females get so carried away when they are in their feelings and so they have a tendency of zoning out when they get into relationships, forgetting to think independently and to look at things from different perspectives. I guess it's the nature of women to always think with their feelings but it's quite evident that - thinking with the heart has broken many of my sister's hearts out there! Including mine.
As time moves and you jump from relationship to relationship you begin to realize that; to think with your head and not your heart alone can save you from a lot of mistakes! Guarding one's heart becomes then the first step to carry out or rather mastering the art of discernment or discretion ...
It actually takes a lot of discipline and practice but better a guarded heart than a shattered person!
In any situation it is important to understand either the environment you are placed in or the people that surround you. Actively putting yourself in a position to try and understand other people is something that is done by many people, simply being it is the best way to 'adapt, fit in or survive'.. These practices are really the same when it comes to how we deal with our social ties, that is friends, colleagues and most especially in this case relationships.
It it important to understand a person's character and who they are as a person. For this to be achieved, of course communication becomes essential, among other cues.
It doesn't really matter what phase the relationship is at, communication is the most vital and essential component that makes a relationship or even just a friendship function. It is crucial in the sense that it is one of the greatest thing any relationship, friendship or marriage could ever achieve. It is a gift to be able to communicate with someone without holding anything back - knowing also that they listen (and I mean listen) and you do the same for them!
If a relationship lacks communication there is obviously a deficiency of understanding and in any case understanding a situation is just as important as understanding a person. I am talking about the type of communication that allows you to understand things like what makes them tick, what they like and what they do not like - how they treat other people and what lights their heart on fire!
If you find yourself not understanding your partner, and where you think your relationship is going, you need to go back to the basics that will govern you a less horrible relationship of any sort and communicate.
I mean think about it, I'm not talking about that “Morning babe " communication I'm talking about the problem solving, planning together, building together type of communication.
I like to specifically call this the “Mature Communication"
My main area of concern though is that of Standards and Expectations.
Many girls want the good life and expect to be treated like princesses by their boyfriends which is not a bad thing but what are you doing for yourself? What have you achieved as an individual? What are you earning for yourself financially? And if not what are you doing about it? What are your long term goals?
If you haven't got the time to think of these things you need a reality check - just sit with married women and especially an empowered group of women and you will know what I'm talking about! With this I urge women to always reflect and put themselves in a position to see where they stand - financially, emotionally, mentally or just physically!
For I assure you these and many more are the type of questions any normal, conscious person asks themselves on their path of self-betterment and so should you.
Have a sense of direction and purpose!
Respect is earned therefore in any case if you want respect you have to earn it by showing that you are respectable. In this case let's say if you want a man to treat you like a Queen/Princess you have to learn to not be reliant on a man or on anyone else for instance, besides that example there are many other qualities for instance your character, that define you and how eventually you will be treated.
I am not dismissing that we have unique individual differences and preferences, however knowing your traits and being assertive about them and who you are is one among other qualities that draws respect to you.
2nd of all! DO NOT BE LAZY
God compares the laziness and lack of wisdom of the human race to that of 4 small creatures, that are considered to be wise and hard working - we should learn a few things from these insects and consequently the women around us! For more information read the book of Proverbs 30 from verses 24 to 31.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being independent but just don't forget that we all need somebody, the bible makes it clear that a man needs a companion. So in as much as man searches for a companion - you are also searching for one. So respect yourself enough to know what you deserve and what you don't.
This is were the standards and expectations bit comes in, for if you know what you want and what you expect, you'll find no matter how much a guy may then mistreat you, you will still have yourself together! This comes through a process of Self Love!
KNOW YOUR WORTH and LIVE BY YOUR WORTH.
Don't expect less and never settle until you get what you feel in your soul as " Right " & remember always men act right for who they want to act right for, It's that simple.
Studies have shown that women have a natural born instinct, well everyone does but our female instincts hardly and rarely are ever wrong, so from this moment on wards do yourself a favor and listen to your gut feeling, it cannot be paranoia at most when you constantly feel like something is wrong either with the relationship or the guy. I mean so many times I've been a victim of not listening to my instinct and have regretted it instantly when finally the true colors of the person show! Like damn B!
We have all been through something, a dreading heartbreak, a bad break up and at times it comes along with the insecurities, trust issues and negative vibes especially when you move on, but never doubt that voice within you that tells you something is off. Don't let the past relationships ruin the current one but still work on your composure.
God designed a male and a female to be bonded together in holy matrimony at some point, therefore he already knows your husband or wife before you even know him or her, which is why prayer is also very important in a relationship.
Praying about your relationship will open up doorways for God to open your eyes and see whether or not you two are going somewhere or not, for ultimately that's the whole point why you are dating or are in a relationship anyway to see whether or not you are compatible with each other.
So dating of course may come regularly as many times as possible until one finds their one true love. Which isn't even a bad thing but despite that you should not date for the sake of dating, I wouldn't recommend it even if I was a doctor, date for a purpose, for a reason but never let it be because of loneliness or that because everyone is in a relationship.
Pay attention to the signs that God gives you within a relationship, God shows us signs that at times we are oblivious to and at times ignore and that's exactly why we find ourselves in compromising positions or in hurting situations because we would have ignored God and his signs towards that relationship. This works hand in hand even with instincts!
If a relationship has brought you nothing but misery, doubt, and doubt too in who you are or what you are and has made you lose self-respect and confidence, to the point that you have stopped loving yourself. You must do yourself a favor and evaluate whether it is good for you or not. If the good outweighs the bad then so be it, if not then you yourself know what to do.
A good man must be able to not only love, respect you and treat you right he must be able to help you achieve your goals, your dreams and you doing the very same for him.
You can do it alone I guess but I believe that relationships as well as friendships and marriage are there for a reason! As people we are supposed to build each other up, in every way hence why you should better yourself and better your partner too.
It is important to do so, it is what we are meant to do! Love is a complicated thing because we complicate love.
Love is easy, it is patient and kind, it is not rude or arrogant, it does not insist on its own way, is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends.
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